Nick Clegg “optimistic” about England’s chances despite certain elimination

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Nick Clegg “optimistic” about England’s chances despite certain elimination
by Tom Pride 


(satire?)

The Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg has said England is still well on the way to winning the World Cup in Brazil after Roy Hodgson's team was all but dumped out of the tournament by Uruguay today.

Mr Clegg told reporters he was still "optimistic" about England's chances of becoming the world champions in Brazil, despite the virtual impossibility of it happening, and he insisted England's players were still succeeding despite their being totally crap.

"Based on the results which have come in so far, it has obviously been a mixed result for England, but I'm sure we can still win even though we won't even be playing in the tournament," the Deputy Prime Minister explained.

Mr Clegg conceded that England had suffered a minor setback by being eliminated, but he denied accusations that he was in denial about the chances of England winning the World Cup:

"Where England has good organisation on the ground, we are winning. And from what I have seen so far, where England can work really hard to tell our side of the story, we can still win the World Cup."

He urged England's players to highlight the positive things their team had brought to the tournament, such as their ability to run around aimlessly for 90 minutes without getting a stitch and managing not to burst into tears, at least in public.

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