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Offline the leveller

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« on: October 20, 2019, 03:52:14 PM »
The following was written by a parent of a girl who complained about the inaction of the former generation. Well, her parents are going to not just let her “talk the talk”, but she will be made to “walk the walk” if she feels so strongly about the issue. Read on.
After our daughter of fifteen years of age was moved to tears by the speech of Greta Thunberg at the UN the other day, she became angry with our generation who had allegedly been doing nothing for thirty years. So, we decided to help her prevent what Thunberg announced of massive eradication and the disappearance of entire ecosystems. We are now committed to give our daughter a future again, by doing our part to help cool the planet four degrees.
From now on she will walk to school, because driving her by car or letting her catch a bus costs fuel and fuel puts emissions into the atmosphere. Of course, she asked for an electric bicycle, but we have shown her the devastation caused to the areas of the planet as a result of mining for the extraction of lithium and other minerals used to make batteries. She can't have a regular bicycle either, because electricity from fossil fuel was used to manufacture it. So she will be walking the 8 kilometres to and from school every day.
Since Thunberg demanded that “we need to get rid of our dependency on fossil fuels” and our daughter agreed with her, we have disconnected the heat vent in her room. The temperature is now dropping to eight degrees in the evening and will drop below freezing in the winter. But if she wants something warm to wear, she can't get manufactured clothes and shoes, because they are made with that dastardly electricity that is responsible for that CO2, so she will either have to go and kill an animal or two for fur or just freeze. For the same reason, we have decided that from now on, she can only take cold showers. She will wash her clothes by hand with a wooden washboard, because the washing machine is simply a power consumer and she will hang her clothes on the clothes line to dry.
Speaking of clothes, the ones that she currently has are all synthetic, so made from petroleum. Therefore on Monday, we will donate all her designer clothing to the second-hand shop. We have found an eco store where the only clothing they sell is made from undyed and unbleached linen, wool and jute. It shouldn’t matter that it looks terrible on her, or that she is going to be laughed at, dressing in colourless, bland clothes and without a bra, but that is the price she has to pay for the benefit of The Climate. Cotton is out of the question, as it comes from distant lands and pesticides are used for it. Very bad for the environment.
She will not have access to the Internet, because it uses that villainous electricity that is generated from fossil fuel. She won't be bothered by electro-stress and will be totally isolated from the outside world. This way, she can concentrate solely on her homework. And as soon as the sun goes down, she can go to bed, as there will be no electric light for her. That will save a lot of CO2.
Since our daughter fully agrees with Thunberg that the CO2 emissions and footprints of her great-grandparents are to blame for ‘killing our planet’, what all this simply means, is that she also has to live like her great-grandparents and they never had a holiday, a car or even a bicycle. We haven’t talked about the carbon footprint of food yet. Zero CO2 footprint means no meat, no fish and no poultry, but also no meat substitutes that are based on soy. After all, that grows in fields, that use machinery to harvest the beans, trucks to transport to the processing plants, where more energy is used, then trucked to the packaging/canning plants and trucked once again to the stores. Also no imported food, because that has a negative ecological effect. And absolutely no chocolate from Africa, no coffee from South America and no tea from Asia.
She can grow her own potatoes, vegetables and fruit that have been grown in local cold soil, because greenhouses run on boilers, piped in CO2 and artificial light. Apparently, these things are also bad for The Climate. We will teach her how to grow her own food. Bread is still possible, but butter, milk, cheese and yogurt, cottage cheese and cream will have to come from her own cow that she will milk every day. No more margarine and no oils will be used for the frying pan, because that fat is palm oil from plantations in Borneo where rain forests first grew. No ice cream in the summer. No soft drinks and no energy drinks, as the bubbles are CO2. She wanted to lose some pounds, well, this will help her achieve that goal too.
We will also ban all plastic, because it comes from chemical factories. Everything made of steel and aluminium must also be removed. Have you ever seen the amount of energy a blast furnace consumes or an aluminium smelter? Uber bad for the climate! We will replace her 9600 coil, memory foam pillow top mattress, with a jute bag filled with straw, along with a horse hair pillow. And finally, she will no longer be using makeup, soap, shampoo, cream, lotion, conditioner, toothpaste and medication. Her sanitary napkins will be replaced with pads made of linen that she can wash by hand, with her wooden washboard, just like her female ancestors did before climate change made her angry at us for destroying her future.
In this way we will help her to do her part to prevent mass extinction, water levels rising and the disappearance of entire ecosystems. If she truly believes that she wants to walk the talk of Greta Thunberg, she will gladly accept and happily embrace her new way of life.

« Last Edit: October 20, 2019, 03:54:36 PM by the leveller »

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